Weird Suburbia - Episode 2 - Part 1

[my_lost_mind]

Dateline:  Blue Moon

 

I'll start with the daytime drama, er, adventure first.

 

I had the day off work so I decided to bite the bullet and venture into the Registry of Motor Vehicles to obtain my drivers license for my new state of residence, which happens to be the same state of residence where I grew up.

 

I'm not a big fan of such agencies.  I almost always end up waiting for hours for my "number" to be called, only to be told that some specific piece of paperwork isn't quite right, the employee processing my paperwork is having some problems with the computer, or some other random impediment that causes me to have to wait longer (or "come back when you have x, y, or z paperwork corrected").

 

Today, I got lucky.  A man old enough to be my father, dedicated employee of the registry of motor vehicles, decided to have a bit of fun and flirt with me while processing my paperwork.  Gawd I love the midwest.  Only in this part of the country do you get treated to some 65 year old man telling you that you "really need to go to the renaissance faire..."  because... "I work there, at one of the clothing vendor booths on the weekends".    He went so far as to complement me on the drivers license photo from my previous state, telling me that he liked my hair "down" (vs. restrained in a ponytail as it was on Friday). 

 

If that wasn't enough, he had to make a joke out of asking for my telephone number (for the voter registration paperwork), which he made a point of correcting to say he was "only kidding".   

 

Uh huh  (Didn't think it was possible for me to be able to roll my eyes like that anymore).

 

Really?  Thank you so very much for sharing that sir.  My life is now complete. 

 

Gotta give him an A for effort on that one.  At least he didn't lie and say he played the role of the "King" at the renfaire.

 

After dealing with Captain Renfest, I was told I had to take the written test for this state.    Yeah, I was not expecting that but soldiered on, paid my paperwork fee and proceeded to the desk where I was to pick up the written test.   The friendly woman at the counter looked at my name on the paperwork and said that my surname seemed familiar.  Turns out she was a neighbor of my father before he became a resident of an assisted living facility.  She and I chatted about dear old dad, I told her that dad is doing okay but doesn't always remember things from his day to day life.   We chatted for a bit longer, she told me of various elderly former neighbors of my dad who have passed on, she wished my father well, and handed me the test.

 

I took the written test, passed, got my photo taken and was presented with a shiny new drivers license.

 

The rest of the afternoon was spent in heavy retail therapy, including a trip to the Golden Land of Particleboard and a stop at a shiny new grocery mecca - spending no less than $40 on booze because there was a good selection of craft beer, and product demos. Seriously, who can pass up a rum cream liquor that tastes like melted salted caramel ice cream?

 

After returning to the condo of awesomeness, I took my devoted doggie out for her second walk of the day. We headed out on our usual route, but were sidetracked by the extreme cutness of a black pug with crooked teeth and a super bouncy personality.  The pug was outside with his humans, turns out that the humans actually live in one of the condos on the other side of the community.

 

I chatted with the neighbors for a bit.  This is where things started to get a little weird - I swear that I must have strange attractor radar or something - I seem to always find the oddest people to talk to.  The cast of characters:

 

Eccentric Polish Lady:   Owns the condo near the pond. Still has the awesome Polish accent that reminds me of my whackadoodle Polish grandma.

 

The Dude:  40-ish guy.  Son of Eccentric Polish Lady.  Lives with mom at the condo.  File under "Failure to Launch".

 

Too Friendly Italian Guy:   Owns a condo next to Eccentric Polish Lady and The Dude, was visiting them for some reason. 

 

Junior:  Son of Too Friendly Italian Guy.  Gainfully employed.  Friendly.

 

The Pug:  Funny-looking black pug dog with very crooked teeth.  Belongs to Eccentric Polish Lady's daughter who left the dog in mom's care while she was out of town.

 

Too Friendly Italian Guy seemed genuinely interested in me once I started talking about the fact that I was gainfully employed, was not married, and brewed my own beer.  Eccentric Polish Lady was also amused, as was The Dude.  As the friendly but awkward conversation continued, I started to feel like I was on some sort of bizarro world episode of "The Bachelorette" - where my "prize" would be to go on a date with one of the 40-something young men who seemed really amused by their respective parent's attempt at figuring out if I would be a good match for their offspring.

 

We talked of family, where I grew up, had I been married before (yes), whether I had a college degree (no) and other questions that seemed really random but I played along because my dog was having such a good time playing with the little pug.

 

After a while, we were joined by another neighbor - a woman I've met before (very nice, has an awesome dog of her own).  Her dog joined my dog and the pug in an impromptu doggie play date, and the conversation shifted away from me.

 

Eventually the little gathering ended.  Too Friendly Italian Guy and Junior left, neighbor lady took her doggie home, and The Dude wandered off with The Pug to walk around the pond with the children of another neighbor who happened to walk buy (I guess The Dude is friends with the mother of the kids).

 

I know... hard to keep track of all the characters!

 

I wouldn't even be writing about this if it didn't seem like I had been the first sane single woman to talk to either of these guys - and I suspect that their parents were thinking the boys needed to grow up and find a decent woman to settle down with.

 

Yeah, um... read the next entry for the follow up on that.   Never a dull moment in the heart of suburbia.