Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Dream Recall

Thursday, January 17th, 2013 08:12 pm
my_lost_mind: (madmen)
I made the dubious mistake of drinking a few too many margaritas last night.   Got a bit wobbly and took to my bed early.   The tequilla, plus 10+ hours spent in a near comatose state brought about some amazing dreams!

Dream fragment #1

I was in an empty apartment.  It was similar to a place I had dreamed about previously.   A dusty, vintage building with high ceilings and hardwood floors. The place was in a state of disrepair with crumbling plaster and peeling paint.    It was also very dark, not a lot of natural light filtering through.

I was just wandering through this place, as if I had lived here at one point but now it's empty and sad.    I thought I was alone in this place until I wandered into a room where a man was working.   He was Hispanic and didn't speak English.   He sort of glared at me, to question what the hell I was doing in this place.   I quietly apologized and left.

Dream #2

I was outdoors in some urban area.   I'm not sure what I was doing prior to walking to my car, but once I got to my car I opened the door and put the keys in the ignition.   This car was not the car I drive today.  It was actually the car that an old boyfriend of mine had years ago, a crappy old Japanese car (a mid-80s era Toyota I think), gold hatchback with black vinyl seats.    For some reason I got back out of the car for a moment, leaving the keys in the ignition.

A strange man approached out of nowhere and (more or less) tried to steal my car.   He got in the car and motioned for me to do the same. I did not recognize this man, but I sensed that he was dangerous so I just started running.

I ran toward a shopping area and ran into a coffee house where I saw someone who looked familiar to me.  A man that I knew casually from a social circle in the city where I used to live.    I tried to explain to this guy what had just happened to me, but he seemed disinterested and/or was unwilling to help me.   He seemed more interested in having a conversation about anything else but what I just experienced.

I felt invalidated.

Dream #3

This one was craaaazy!

I went to go visit my most recent ex-boyfriend (who wasn't much of a boyfriend).  He was living in an apartment with 2 housemates (one male, one female).  The male housemate seemed friendly, was walking around smoking a pipe (read "bowl") and handed it to me.

"Want a hit?"
"um... sure..."

I started talking with my ex, and the conversation started out fairly generic until something came up where I felt I had to speak my mind.

I let him have it with both barrels, telling him how I felt about that email he sent, and how him admitting that he thought I could help him get over his ex-girlfriend was the absolutely worst thing he could have said.   I went on and on, was very angry, and cold as ice.  It was everything that I have wanted to say to him if I felt he would truly listen, as if speaking my peace would matter at all.

He got upset, emotional, seemed shocked that I was so angry, and got up from the chair he was sitting in.    

I can't remember whether or not he actually apologized or not, I just remember seeing his face full of pain and sadness.

I woke up soon after, feeling very odd but also with a sense of great relief.

Unfortunately, real life doesn't work out like our dreams (and dreams are just our subconscious working shit out so it can be sorted into file cabinets in our mind, or burned in the incinerator!) 

Feeling stronger every day!    Almost 2 weeks of NC.   I think I can do this.

March 2013

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